Thursday, February 19, 2009

Obama: half full or half empty?

I drive my friends and neighbours crazy with my idea, but I don't mind it. I'm right, after all, so they must just learn that.

Barack Obama, who is now president of our smaller neighbour just south of the border (where our criminals go to hide when they are 'on the run' from our Mounties. Where do Mexicans run?) is the subject and object of my study. In order to demonstrate that I am very clever and that what I say is absolutely true, I need some very simple apparatus. Actually I get it in the kitchen cabinet: it is a drinking glass. This must be filled about exactly half full with water. It doesn't matter if it is hot, cold or something in between, for the purpose of this scientific experiment. Only that it is about 50% full and also, for the same reason, 50% empty. 

At this point of my project I ask my friends/neighbours: 'Please decide - is the glass half full, or half empty?' So they argue and of course, eventually they have to agree with each other the real truth of this matter. It is both, at the same time, so no-one is right and no-one is wrong - or, everyone is right and everyone is wrong. It's the same.

Now I show my truly wonderful, world class intellectual superiority. I ask: 'Is Barry Hussein white or black?' They look at me as they look at a madman, I suppose, only I'm a woman. That's probably worse for them. Of course they have seen him in the news all the time for I don't know how long time. Everyone says: 'It's a miracle, Americans can elect a BLACK man as their president, wow, it's just before the end of the world, so amazing!' Well, I know a secret about that man. He is WHITE. And I can prove it, it's very simple and obvious.

Obamarama had a father from Africa, he was black. He had a mother who was from America, she was white.  I am not so good in mathematics, but I know that this man is exactly half full of black and half full of white. But he is not grey, just like that glass is not full of thick fog or something like that. Half is full and half is empty, at the same time. So Obama is also EXACTLY half white and half black. But he also doesn't have white legs and black top part (I saw his legs in Hawaii). This means that the only fair, just, democratic and truthful way to describe his colour is that one time you call him white, the next time you call him black. If it is necessary to describe that at all.

Now, I am a realist, I hear everyone calling him black. That means that I must try to make the balance in reality, so I call him white, because this is just as much the truth as that he is black. My problem is, that I am only one person who does this, and I need some help to make the scientific balance. Will you help me to do this? And you should also ask your friends and relatives and neighbours to do it, because it will only be balanced if everyone follows my principle. Our task will only be finished when we hear everyone implementing this correct scientific law. Then everyone will be 100% correct, instead of 99.999999999% who are wrong as now. (0.0000000001 is me.)

By the way, I am yellow, as they say. Just, when I look at me in the morning in the mirror, I can't see something like a lemon or canary or school bus or canola or. What else is yellow, I forget. I see I got a little tan from the sun at last weekend. That's nice, it's good for some vitamin, is it D? And I can save some money from cosmetics budget. I am also a woman. I heard they say that women cannot be logical, so that's another thing I proved.

What colour will you be today? Please choose any colour you like, but not blue, I hope!

Editor's note: I am this woman's neighbor Catarina, and she refused me a mug of coffee until I looked at this thing to see if anything was wrong as far as English. I just want to say that she talks and writes as good as where I come from in Williston ND, but you betcha she's crazy about some things, she did that glass thing and got me calling the President white, so help me God, I swear it's true. By the way, she helped me with the spelling of this. Is the States really smaller? Her husband's away, that's why I got the job. Now she's hassling me about punctuation. I couldn't even spell that. I'll bring my own coffee next time, darn it. No, that isn't a bad word, now pour the coffee before I say one. ;-) C (an sh'aint' yella niether)

My note about Editor: She is a good neighbour who looks nicely after Percy when we go away. But I think she's not good to be an editor. Her cookies are good. Her husband is an oilman but they are actually not married yet. Gossip gossip.

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